Archive for February 2013


February 28th, 2013 — 7:23pm

Having a Concept Battle with another guy.
Winners of Concept Battles shall be self-determined.


a snake with the shivers creating a standing wave


Remembrance of Things Past translated into Creole and tattooed on the toe webbing of a sword swallower


Your mother on the night that you were conceived, thinking about cock


a pig with giant fluid filled warts driving a B-1 bomber


A rich woman who forces her wet nurse to eat peppermint in order to flavor her baby’s breast milk…


The patronizing way that robots of the future will talk to humans…


an albino austronesian white supremacist wondering why none of the other white supremacists want to hang out with him…


the highest number anyone has ever counted to, plus 50


The irony of a biologist hunting for the last undiscovered order of animal life, not realizing that it takes the form of a parasite living inside his colon…


the lady at walmart whose job it is to make sure that fat ladies aren’t stealing things in the folds of their stomach flesh


Huck Finn blushing as he accidentally peeked at Nigger Jim taking a shit off the raft as they float down the MISSISSIPPI


A duck eating graham crackers as it tries to spell MISSISSIPPI…


A polite word trying to express itself, from deep within the center of the brain’s Fuck-You Anterior Cortex System…


A really long intestinal parasite that just keeps growing lengthwise, stringing together animals like a necklace.


Seasonal affective disorder caused by lifeguards with low self esteem having no one to save in winter…


Julius Caesar’s astonishment in hell when he realizes that his name lived on mostly as a description of cutting a baby out of a woman’s womb…

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February 27th, 2013 — 7:20pm

Having a Concept Battle with another guy.
Winners of Concept Battles shall be self-determined.


The difference between believing something is true, and acting like you believe it’s true because you want to be seen as someone who would…


a planet populated by four immortal giants who hate each other


The inflation rate that it would take to make dollars not worth picking up off the ground because it would take more energy than the food would supply that you could buy with the money…


the insufficiently sincere sound of pittying someone you dislike who has been hit by a bus…


a locomotive with a speech impediment that goes fwhoo fwhoo


A new kind of hermit crab that lives inside discarded iPod cases…


a fungus gate crashing the bacteria’s prom!


the fossilized bootprints of soldiers who died on the frontline in a state of complete panic


the child you fathered unknowingly in 1990, coming back to seek vengeance upon you for bringing it into this world


the ratio of perineum to nose bridge length expressed in different ethnicities


a disease that makes you incapable of comprehending the word ‘not’ so that you always think people are saying the opposite of what they really are…


An Aztec trying to open a child proof bottle of ibuprofen


climbing up the human totem pole of your every ancestor dating back to the moment mankind discovered how to kill


a protostar with a helium 4 imbalance


a thief in the marketplace of ideas


an involuntary fart emitted during a wave function collapse

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February 23rd, 2013 — 7:17pm

Having a Concept Battle with another guy.
Winners of Concept Battles shall be self-determined.


A genetically designed alligator that is shaped just like a purse, so all you have to do is skin it and attach handles…


a people with a language in which many of the words are constructed subtractively, such as “yellowless green” for “blue,” and “we minus you” for me…


halfway between the antimatter universe and the matter universe, where you can’t be too careful who you hang out with…


an idiot, a smelly little girl, a one-armed septuagenarian and a petit hermaphroditic entrepreneur with odorless chronic flatulence all tied together with thick rope


Continental drift that eventually makes the layout of the continents all come back again together, so that the coast of australia is closer than catalina island.


a man who has by pure random chance never won a game of rock paper scissors, and the intense, inferiority complex that this has created…


a task force that enforces the 17 syllable restriction on haikus


A man with three testicles who works at a pawn shop.


an ostrich, looking at an emu, thinking it to be the most alien looking creature it has ever seen


Hitler, as a baby, being spanked by his mom, who tells him that he’s a very naughty boy…


A really attractive girl who thinks she’s ugly being consoled by a really ugly girl who thinks she’s attractive


An epileptic break dancer with leprosy whose limbs are always falling off…


an aristocratic playing roulette who is blind to the color red


An albino, a rabbi, and a kangaroo walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “what a strange assortment of ambulatory creatures entering my bar.” Then the three look at each other and smile knowingly.


A future so happy that anyone living from our time is regarded with the greatest pity…


a monkey gynocologist who is popular because his hairy arms are warm to the touch…

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February 16th, 2013 — 7:14pm

Having a Concept Battle with another guy.
Winners of Concept Battles shall be self-determined.


The length of time it takes an average person at a hollywood party to begin scanning the room for more important people after saying ‘hello’ to you…


Punishment that is ritually invoked when a person erroneously says bless you or gesundheit when you cough


A pixie stik candy treat made from the soggy fluff at the bottom of a kangaroo’s pouch…


the differences in the gaits and blinking frequencies of a test group who checks their email hourly versus those who check it weekly


A duck raised by a hummingbird, trying in vain to suck nectar out of a lilly flower…


an elf that has suffered a stroke and can only make the left half of cookies when it tries to bake in the Keebler tree


a glowing humming sphere that compels you to open it, but cannot be opened, ending inevitably in the beholder’s plummet into madness


A drug that does nothing but makes you think that you haven’t taken it yet, and that you really want to.


Sauron’s recently discovered cock ring


The fluctuating distance between a mother’s hand and a baby’s butt as she is spanking it…


Someone with multiple personality disorder who is envious of another person with the same problem who has more personalities…


a stuffed animal stuffed with the fur of the animal it depicts


A video game in which the user has to remain as still as possible to teach people how to be innocuous …


a species of fairies that lives inside garden hoses, who spend most of their time straightening their hair after the frequent flash floods


A land of the blind in which the one eyed man is burned at the stake for witchcraft …

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February 9th, 2013 — 7:10pm

Having a Concept Battle with another guy.
Winners of Concept Battles shall be self-determined.


a eunuch who craps fruit flavored stool

A new version of Blair Witch Project filmed with a colonoscopy camera inside the body of a cute, teenaged girl…

a firework that boasts on the way up how everyone should watch what it’s going to do, they’ve never seen anything like it before, then at the moment it’s supposed to display, forgets

extremophile bacteria that can only live in the salty tears of unloved clowns.

a tiny horse named Buford running on a vinyl LP of America’s “A Horse with No Name” trying to sing along with it while it plays but he keeps forgetting the lyrics

a football stuffed with incorrect mathematical formula that led to a lot of fumbles

An alternate universe where everything is exactly, precisely the same.

An animal with prehensile sperm that actively crawl over a female, trying to impregnate her…

a nincompoop who constantly misplaces her stress ball, compounding her stress

the grade of C– on a C++ test

marquis de sade, sulking because his feelings were hurt…

The trilingual mute who cannot speak in three languages…

a stand up comedian who is perplexed that she cannot make a living with a set consisting of puns that are only funny if you are fluent in latin

The last thing Thomas Jefferson said to the slave he was screwing on the night of his death

a tattoo artist realizing he dropped the serifs on a full body tattoo of pi to several thousand digits

Comment » | Uncategorized


February 5th, 2013 — 7:07pm

Having a Concept Battle with another guy.
Winners of Concept Battles shall be self-determined.


gravity waves teaming up with waves of ironic detachment, so that anyone hit with them will suddenly think that it’s very important that nothing really matters…

a man who is the subject of an experiment to see if math can be taught by spousal nagging by a robot wife who disparages his genitals every time his sums are incorrect

A society that speaks the language that includes the death causing glottal stop, which only allows the word to be spoken legally by convicted criminals…

The secret origin of the phrase “pleased as punch,” which refers to Queen Elizabeth’s secret S&M fantasies…

a bacteria that live exclusively inside binoculars who have an exaggerated sense of the vastness of the universe

a chain of teens linked by their body piercings using a reinforced titanium cable, flung by a trebuchet off the deck of an aircraft carrier into a primitive village where the traditional garment is still made out of banana leaves

The guilty verdict in the trial over the guy who killed another guy after they got into an argument over whether the correct term is Bose-Einstein Condensate or Einstein-Bose Condensate

A Nose-Rinestone Condensate, which is the snot that builds up around teenaged girls’ noserings…

Two identical twins who are telepathic and who become an Einstein Bose Condensate when they are within a few feet of one another

a boomerang reincarnated as a yoyo that wishes it was a frisbee

clean room technology that removes impure thoughts from anyone who enters

abe lincoln sneaking away from the penny to punch tom jefferson on the nickel

ha x12

An Air Force General having a generalized seizure at general hospital at a time that could not be specified.

an epileptic in zero gravity, having a grand mal fit inches over a huge tub of water

Comment » | Uncategorized, Whining


February 1st, 2013 — 7:05pm

Having a Concept Battle with another guy.
Winners of Concept Battles shall be self-determined.


The little known fact that mary was a virgin at the time of Jesus’ birth only because Joseph was so into anal sex

A confused Nazi wannabe who thinks that Hitler believed the Armenians were the master race…

a dreidel that snuck into a game of Battling Tops

The word for pretending that you don’t smell the queen’s farts

a partridge who knows all the words to the 12 days of christmas except partridge, so every time she gets to the word partridge she hums

A self-hating megalomaniac who is convinced he’s the biggest asshole in the world…

a sideburn whose cousin is a moustache

A german word for the excitement that a male praying mantis feels before having sex even though he knows the female will eat his head

the term for that moment you realize after releasing a belly laugh that what you were laughing at was actually incredibly sad

the name for the long slow exhalation that people make before they finally just give up and do whatever it is they are trying to avoid…

The ancient art of chinese foot flattening, in which they make women’s feet rounded and large on the bottom so they can successfully walk around on large inflated balls in chinese circuses…

a cephalothoracopagus complaining at old navy that there are no shirts with four sleeves

a maypole created from satan’s penis with seven virginal nuns dancing around it, holding ribbons made from cotton soaked red with their menstrual blood

the trademarked and copyrighted slogan of a computer program that generates catch phrases for sitcom characters

A megalomaniacal god, who actually IS the ruler of the universe and so is actually quite a practical chap.

a harpsichordist feverishly playing the “The Termites are Eating My Harpsichord” symphony while termites eat her harpsichord

The piano tuner tuner, that tunes piano tuners by holding expensive, properly tuned pianos up to them to compare…

a rubber stamp of a tumor wearing a toupee

Comment » | Whining

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