Archive for September 2008


September 11th, 2008 — 7:47pm

A weird ending to a weird job. The Austrian Bunker Doctors were finally, finally happy with the flash thing I made for them (which if they weren’t so picky would have been done weeks ago). Dr. Pierley was actually complimentary; I overheard her describing me to one of the other doctors as very effective. She mentioned some new contract for vets coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and I can only assume that means a lot of cash. I believe they were celebrating with a little party of some sort, or else it was someone’s birthday or something.

She gave me a check for my work, and began talking about a new series of tests that she might want to begin working on in a few weeks. But then I mentioned… Somehow it came up that I’d been writing this blog, and the woman instantly flipped back into her obsessive weirdo mode. She told me that this was all super confidential, they had proprietary algorithms, etc…  Admittedly, I signed confidentiality papers, but it’s not breaking confidentiality to just say you worked somewhere, is it?!

I was a little hesitant to let her administer another test to me, given her annoyance, but the doctor was pretty insistent and ultimately I think getting back to her core competency (wiring people up to things) calmed the woman down. I’ve had issues with them over the last few weeks, but I believe they are legitimate doctors doing valuable work.

I suppose if I want more hours from these folks I should stop writing this thing. I don’t really have the energy to do much more, frankly.

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Burdensome Freedom

September 9th, 2008 — 4:49pm

I received the first check from my Amazon bookseller’s account. I believe it was in the neighborhood of $14.00. And though I am selling my LA satyrical (yes I meant that spelling) novel for a mere $2.99 on Kindle, I believe that the majority of the check came from the Kindle pamphlet I created about how to distill your own absinthe. People do like their drugs.

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New Word Invented

September 8th, 2008 — 7:58pm

Riding my bike to Sunset, I had a sudden and inexplicable urge to try a new route. I turned west, coming down Fairfax, a very steep descent of a block or two at what felt like 45 degrees from vertical. And halfway down, there were some cars stopped at a light.

It seemed a shame to lose all that potential energy, since my bike was moving pretty quickly at that point, so I decided to ride onto the sidewalk and bypass the light all together.

But there was a nearly invisible two inch curb between the sidewalk ramp and the street.

Because I came in at an oblique angle, the front wheel began to slide against it, at which point adrenaline slowed everything down to a series of still images.

First there was the vision of my front wheel wedged and sliding, and then the image of the cement steps and driveway that I would soon be meeting headfirst. If I continued forward I would plow into a car that was stopped at the light. I yanked upward as my body began to rotate over the top of the handlebars and somehow the front wheel made it over and remained upright.

I turned left, away from the cement steps, and the bike somehow remained underneath me despite the high speed. There was a brief moment of joy before I realized I was about to smash my head into a light pole. But I immediately yanked the bike back in the other direction, avoided the pole and swerved onto the street, somehow still moving forward.

All this was only realized in retrospect, because it happened so quickly. In fact the only conscious thought I had was a concept in my mind, something that Germans probably have a word for, which was pre-lingual since there wasn’t enough to time to properly express it in words: the feeling of anger toward oneself at the prospect of listening to the gloating of one who has repeatedly warned you of something that you neglected to heed. Without my helmet I probably would have cracked open my head or broken my collarbone and E would have visited me in the hospital and sat by my side twisting the knife for hour upon hour…

Why did I not wear my helmet? I always wear my helmet?

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Random Exercise

September 5th, 2008 — 3:09pm

My friend has one of those mind exercise video games, and on it is an activity that involves imagining bizarre contradictory things. So he suggested we email bizarre contradictory things back and forth, one a day, to become smarter. He’s also taking Aricept, the anti-alzheimer’s medicine:

All the excess fat of every american gathered together in a giant melting vat of fondue.

Forgotten apostrophes crying on a hill overlooking the grand canyon at daybreak.
The slight change in the way a bismuth atom dances when the spin stripped from the proton of a molybdenum atom is transposed onto hers.
The ridges on a 45 RPM record of Tainted Love by SoftCell, expanded into a mountain skyline of rural utah.
The realization that I can use my imagination to come up with something that will make me laugh, imported into photoshop and then modified with the blur filter.
A mermaid in a bathysphere.
Diarrhea medication that gives you a runny nose.
A typo in an hieroglyphic tablet.
Consequences of actions that deter the actions that gave rise to their consequences, except in evolutionary terms, as a cannibalistic preditor.
sunspots causing words to be dropped from a cell phone conversation about sunspots.
A genetic predisposition to chose a mate with traits that unconsciously reveal a genetic makeup that will produce offspring more like ones’ parents…
The quadratic formula spelled out in cheetohs, divided by zero, raised to the power of the square root of negative one then stepped on by an a elephant
Psychosomatic soft palate damage from eating imaginary pie too hot from the oven.
A toothbrush floating in motor oil inside a watermelon
Every piece of toilet paper Robert Kennedy ever used, brought together, reconstituted, and formed into the shape of Richard Nixon.
A werewolf’s pocketwatch in the window of a pawn shop.
A bronze cast of a sperm whale’s urethra, swaddled in frozen baby urine.
A bird who performs its mating ritual in the event horizons of hurricanes.
A ball of earwax the size of jupiter, with a nickle in the center.
A vegetarian mosquito with his proboscis in a papaya.
The treeline of a mountain viewed as a pubic area and the deer as crab lice…
The amount someone is off-key on a particular song, expressed as the percentage of ice cream that goes into an ice cream cake.
The surface of the mississippi river lining the esophagus of a giant emu…
Underwater customs officials at the borders between the world’s oceans.
When a lie is more real than the truth, expressed as a color.


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